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Christian Counseling Connection
PASS IT ON
1.
Those we minister to don’t have the puzzle box
anymore… just puzzle pieces.
In the video, I held up the
box top of a puzzle that showed the completed picture. If that
“picture” represented “health,” then in recent generations,
box tops were all around us. You could not miss what health
looked like. For example, when I went to a large, public
elementary school in Phoenix, Arizona, my two brothers and
I were the
only
kids in our school from a divorced, single-par-
ent home—not just in our class, but the entire school. Even
though we did not see a picture of an intact, close-knit family
in our home, there were “box tops” of health all around us. We
just had to look at our friends’ homes… at “together” families
in church… and even how commitment and caring were cele-
brated in media and culture.
Fast forward to today—there is no “box cover” for most of
the couples with whom we minister. For example, my wife is
a second grade teacher in a large public school. This year, she
has 22 students—18 of them are growing up in single-parent
or blended-family homes… and what goes to school comes to
church.
The Prophet Jeremiah shares a chilling observation in
Chapter 6. Looking at the people of his day, he says, “They
have healed the brokenness of my people superficially. Saying,
‘Peace, peace!’ but there is no peace.”
That is so true with today’s generation. We cannot
assume
they know what health and life and freedom look like! For
most
(not an exaggeration), their parents’ lives were broken.
Their closest friends’ parents’ lives were broken. The models
they look up to on television and in culture
celebrate
bro-
kenness. And they have grown up in churches filled with the
broken, not “box tops” clearly showing health and life, which
means we cannot
assume
they get it. We need to give them a
“picture” of health they have not seen or fully experienced.
2
. Complexity causes complacency.
As the Gary Chap-
man Chair of Marriage and Family at Moody Theological Sem-
inary, I get to drop in on many churches all across the country
that are providing marriage and family ministry. Recently, I
was in a wonderful church with great leadership and super
people, but its marriage ministry was floundering. I think,
in part, it was because when you walked into their married
couples’ classroom and looked up on the walls, pulled up their
Web page for their marriage ministry, or looked at all their
materials and programs, you would see the number 24 written
everywhere. This signified a matrix of 24
different
things they
believed it took to have a great, God-honoring marriage.
Their matrix looked awesome—cool colors, columns, and
fonts. However, in just one Sunday, I was worn out over think-
ing about juggling 24 different concepts that were
all
“must
do’s”—even while I was told it was a graced-based model!
There was a lot of talk about “Peace, peace!”… but their cou-
ples were not finding it. They were confused and worn down.
Today, the most effective churches providing marriage ministry
that I see tend to have a
simple
and
biblical picture
of health as
their starting point.
For example, one church I know gives each husband
and wife walking in a coin. On one side of this coin is written
Deuteronomy 30:19, “I call heaven and earth to witness… that
I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse.
So choose life….” And on the other side are two questions:
“Are you stepping toward or away?” and “Are you adding or