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subtracting?” In short, all of this church’s
programs start with that two-part choice—
life (movement) over death (stepping away)
and blessing (to add) over curse (to sub-
tract). So, the goal is to help people choose
life in Christ and have His life get them mov-
ing toward their spouses (not away), as well
as add to their loved ones’ lives, not subtract.
What a simple, powerful way to help illus-
trate biblical truth—and from it flowed their
training and encouragement.
Another church used John 8:32, “…
you shall know the truth and the truth shall
set you free,” as their key, orienting verse.
Yet another church knocking it out of the
park with couples base all they do in their
ministry on another “picture” of health given
in Scripture—Micah 6:8, “… to do justice, to
love kindness, and to walk humbly….” They
ask and teach couples how to live out those
three principles by putting their marriages
and families first, as well as doing them in
their lives before the world.
If having a starting point of “broken-
ness” and giving congregations “simple” pic-
tures of health instead of a matrix helps, so
does giving them “two-degree” steps toward
health instead of 180 degree turns.
3.
Two-degree tools give couples
a sense of, “I can do this!”
We live in a
time where there are no blow-dryer repair
shops. Instead, we just assume things that
are broken are to be discarded and replaced.
It is quicker and easier; plus, the new version
may have upgraded features! In part, this is
why many people who are hurting in their
marriages jump out of one relationship and
into another instead of staying and trying to
work out the issues and problems.
This brings me to another point I see
in the most effective marriage and family
ministries across the country—couples are
told that 180 degree changes are
not
the
answer to moving from brokenness to health
and life. In many cases, it is not the BIG
things—the home runs or “Hail Mary” pass-
es—that can improve our marriages, but the
small, two-degree changes that can begin to
transform everything. Decisions like “spend-
ing thousands to go on a Christian cruise” or
“flying your wife to Disney World for your
anniversary to try to ‘find the magic again’”
are often unnecessary.
Small adjustments, such as teaching
couples how to close their day with sentence
prayers at night, reading
one
chapter of the
Bible with each other, or coaching them to
look for
one
hurting couple or family with
whom they can show God’s love produce
big
changes. Jesus shared how he who is
faithful “in a little” will be rewarded much.
C.S. Lewis observed it is the “small things”
that will turn us into either a heavenly or
hellish creature. As part of our helping
people who have not
seen
a picture of health
move toward well-being, life, and Jesus… it
is encouraging to reinforce that small, mid-
course corrections—not complex matrices
or expensive trips—can offer hope and help
toward having a great marriage.
4.
This generation needs “Water
Stop Encouragers” more than ever.
If
you have ever run a half or full marathon,
you look forward to those tables that show
up along the course with paper cups full
of water or sports drinks. Standing behind
those tables are the volunteers who not only
hand out the drinks as you run by, but also
cheer you on.
So many people today do
not
have
anyone
celebrating
their godly choices and
steps toward one another and the Lord. It is
important to hear someone say, “Well done,”
during their efforts to draw closer to the
Lord, their spouses, their children, and their
commitment to a healthier life. This is why,
more than ever, we need to mentor those
couples who are flawed and broken, but who
still love the Lord and are seeking to live for
Him. We need to be the “water stop” couples
who are a few miles ahead in the race, yet are
willing to share God’s love and encourage-
ment with those wanting to finish well.
Each of these four observations could
be a 40-minute message or a 400-page
book. May the Lord give you wisdom as you
seek to minister to couples today with the
encouragement, tools, and training they need
to love their spouses, kids, and others like
Jesus.
;
John Trent, Ph.D.,
offers a six-session small
group DVD discussion
series with Focus on the
Family on the incredible,
biblical gift of the Bless-
ing. Consider taking your
family or a group through the series! Find
out more at John’s blog andWeb site, www.
TheBlessing.com.
"It is impor tant to
hear someone say,
“Well done,” during
their effor ts to draw
closer to the Lord,
their spouses, their
children, and their
commitment to a
healthier life.This is
why, more than ever,
we need to men-
tor those couples
who are flawed and
broken, but who still
love the Lord and
are seeking to live
for Him. "
PASS IT ON