Page 16 - EW Magazine 5-2 FINAL

The occurrence of infidelity dates thousands of years back as far as the Old Testament. Though the bloodline of Jesus comes from the House of David (who was one of the most famous biblical adulterers with Bathsheba), He reminds us that He came to redeem all sins. Any article on infidelity must begin with the hope that God always intends redemp-tion and healing, even with the most broken of marriages. Today, we confront the reality of what many have called a tsunami of infidelity. The sexually immoral messages of our culture are like a tidal wave creating more broken homes than Hurricanes Katrina and Sandy combined. As Christian counselors who specialize in infidelity and sexual addiction, we see the devastation every day.

There is hope. We are examples. I (Mark) was the subject of an intervention in 1987 because of my infidelities and went to treatment for sexual addiction. Since that time, and through the power of the Holy Spirit and some excellent counseling, guidance and support, our marriage thrives in ways that it never could have. God used the devasta-tion to completely restore our marriage in such a way that we have built something new, deeper, and more beautiful than either of us could have ever imagined.

We use a very broad definition of infidelity. Today the word “affair” is often replaced with the word “relational betrayal.” A marriage is a sacred covenant in which Christ must be the center. Married couples create what pastor and author, John Ortberg, calls “a culture of two,” where emotional, spiritual and physical intimacy is to be shared only by them. When one spouse shares intimately with another person on any of those levels, it creates the experience of betrayal in which the

exclusivity is violated. Relational betrayal can, therefore, occur in three ways: purely sexual, purely emotional, or some combination of both factors.

Typically, sexual betrayal occurs after emotional and spiritual boundaries have been crossed first. Within the three types mentioned above, sexual encounters can take place that happen only once. There are “friends with benefits” where emotional attachment is not a feature, but long-term sexual activity is. These forms of betrayal can also exist exclusively on the Internet without any physical contact at all. Technology now provides a platform for auditory and video sharing. Services like Skype are wonderful tools but, like any other, can be misused.

The presence of sex on the Internet, which includes pornography and prostitution in thou-sands of ways, is the biggest growth industry of all. We do consider viewing pornography as a very damaging form of infidelity. In Matthew 5, Jesus was very clear that lusting in one’s heart constituted adultery. We believe, based on consistent research, two-thirds of Christian men and one-third of Christian women have