Page 7 - EW Magazine 5-2 FINAL

from my heart to yours

j u l i e c l i n t on

The Addict in All of Us

Addiction… any “compulsive need for, and use of, a habit-forming substance characterized by tolerance and well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal.” 1 Simply put, it’s anything for which you have an overwhelming craving. You turn to it again and again when you’re upset or stressed…. and though you try to stop, it just seems like you can’t. For some women, it’s chocolate, coffee, or reality TV. For me, it’s a struggle with my love for shopping. Seriously, we live in a culture where addiction is the “norm.” And we’re often controlled by our desires, rather than us controlling them! We tend to use “stuff” to try to fill that “God-shaped hole,” as referred by Saint Augustine. However, the reality is you’re either in bondage or free—there is no in-between! Most of the women I meet struggle with an addiction or are married to someone who does and have children who are affected. What’s so enticing about our cravings? As my husband, Tim, puts it, “When life isn’t the way it’s supposed to be… when our best efforts fail to fix what is broken, we begin seeking other solutions, trivial pursuits to fill the emptiness inside…. In pain, confusion, anger and alienation, we reach for anything to calm us and make our pain go away—even if only for a brief moment.” Often, our outward behavior is just a symptom of deeper pain and confusion.

Earnest Becker wisely said, “Modern man is drinking and drugging himself out of awareness, or he spends his time shopping, which is the same thing.” What trivial pursuits have invaded your life? Food, approval, shopping, alcohol, drugs, pornography, an affair… or maybe something as innocent as your kids, work, or even ministry.

The reality is that any activity or behavior that we turn to for comfort instead of God can become addictive. Remember the golden calf the children of Israel bowed down to? 2 The “idolatry of the heart” is no different. The scary part about addiction is the “tolerance effect.” You can never get enough to be fully satisfied! So I ask you, friend, have you given your heart to something or someone other than God?

The good news is that wherever there is brokenness, God longs to bring healing! Scripture says, “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let your-selves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” 3 The Greek word for “free”—“eleutheróo” —literally means “to release from bondage; to remove the restrictions of sin; to be deliv-ered by God!” 4 Freedom is truly God’s desire for every one of us who struggles with an addiction.

This issue of EW focuses specifically on the impact of pornog-raphy—including how to get help if you’re addicted (many women are!) and rebuild trust with your husband if this is a struggle for him. In today’s technological world, porn is

just a click away. You don’t even have to go looking for it! In Christian circles, particularly, pornography is “taboo”—almost like, “if you don’t talk about it, it’s not happening.” However, nothing could be further from the truth! The statistics are staggering:

n Approximately 40 million people in the U.S. use the Internet to view pornography. 5

n Twenty-five percent of all search engine requests are pornography-related. 6

n Seventy-two million Internet users visit pornography Web sites per year. 7

Pornography has the power to destroy our hearts, relation-ships and potential for God, but there is hope! In this issue of EW , you’ll read a real-life story of redemption in the lives of singer/songwriter, Michael O’Brien, and his wife, Heidi. Mark and Debbie Laaser, Christian counselors and experts on the topic of sexual addiction, remind us that there is hope and restoration for struggling couples and their marriages. When trust has been broken, Greg and Erin Smalley share how to restore honest communication and emotional safety in a relationship. Christian sex therapist, Marnie Ferree, provides insight into important relational issues, including sexuality, attachment and intimacy. Finally, Sara Wood and Laurel Shaler explore the emotional toll that pornography brings to relationships and provide excellent advice on how to channel the anger that results from the betrayal. Add to that, the staple columnists who offer outstanding guidance and insight for everyday women just like you and me! As you read this issue, my prayer is that God will open your heart to experience His healing and redemption. Remember, God’s truth can set you free! 8

From my heart to yours , Julie

extraordinary women Volume 5 I ssue 2 7

1 http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/addiction.

4 http://biblesuite.com/greek/1659.htm.

5 Exposing Porn: Science, Religion, and the New Addiction , Paul Strand. Christian Broadcasting Network, 2004.

6 Internet Pornography Statistics, David C. Bissette, Psy.D., healthymind.com, 2004.

7 Pornography Statistics. Internet Filter Review., internetfilterreview.com, 2003.

Dear Extraordinary Woman: