christian counseling today
Vol. 20 no. 2
37
I
“I think I might be raising a narcissist.” The statement came
from a dad sitting in a room full of parents of middle school
students. Heads were nodding everywhere as he continued.
“She’s so self-absorbed and thinks her mother and I know
absolutely nothing.” Another parent raised her hand, “My
son has real attention issues—at least in school. He sure can
focus on his video games, texting and Facebook friends, but
he can’t listen for even a couple minutes in class.” By now,
several more parents were eager to contribute to the discus-
sion. What about eating disorders? How about the uptick
in autism? What if your child displays signs of oppositional
defiant disorder?
I have to admit, I felt a bit disappointed. My colleague
and I were there to talk to parents about how their children
can succeed and thrive in school, but the audience already
seemed to think their kids were suffering from any number
of neurological and learning-oriented disorders. There was
an overwhelming sense of loss of control over their circum-
stances—after all, how can you argue with the symptoms of
learning disabilities or mental illness?
We asked everyone to take a deep breath, step back, and
start over. Before anyone decides there is something wrong
with his or her child, should we not take a look at what is
known about individual strengths and needs? And before
we accept a label for a child, should we not be aware of how
many reasons there might be for a lack of success in school?
For the next 90 minutes or so, we talked to this concerned
group about three things I wish teachers and counselors could
tell every parent:
1. Few people want to be analyzed, but everyone
wants to be understood—and therein lies a big
difference.
No one fits into categories or boxes—and no test exists that
can accurately pinpoint exactly what a person “is.” We are
fearfully and wonderfully made, full of many puzzle pieces of
various sizes. When it comes to individual learning strengths
and character traits, every person has some portion of almost
every piece, and there have never been two people exactly alike
since time began. You will never be able to confidently say,
“Oh, my child is a _____________.”
Still, it is good to recognize patterns and identify strengths
and learning styles—the inborn strengths in each of us that
determine how we learn, remember and make decisions about
information gives us a great way to do that. I am not talking
about psychological terms or complex mental health issues,
but instead about a fundamental framework that helps us
understand and appreciate how many ways there are for a
person to learn.
This process is something you can discern much more
effectively through observation and conversation than you
can through a formal test. It is based on two or three solid,
empirical research models coupled with your ability and will-
ingness to ask and answer the question, “What’s the point?”…
Cynth i a Ulr i ch Tob i as
Learning
Disorder
or Learning
Style?
A Timeless Perspective
