christian counseling today
Vol. 20 no. 2
39
“So which one of you is normal?” The response is usually only
sheepish laughter.
There are some questions worth debating: Who gets
to decide what’s normal? Who decided that in order to be
considered attentive you have to sit still and look at the person
who is talking to you? Why do so many of us get hired for all
the traits that got us in trouble when we were in school? What
if we are often medicating our children to conform to class-
rooms and educational systems that are largely irrelevant after
they graduate?
3. How our children need us always changes…
the fact that they do need us never changes.
There is no question that younger children need their
parents in very different ways than adolescents. However, one
discovery I made with my own sons was that they needed
me almost more in high school than they did in elementary
school. They definitely did not want me to hover over them or
interfere, but they counted on my presence and support and
wanted me to be involved in their lives. It’s true that I don’t
have the same technological savvy they do, and I certainly
have not kept up with all the current trends in fashion, music
and video. Nevertheless, I have stayed solidly consistent in my
love for them, and they know they can count on me.
Parents need more reminders about how important they
are in their children’s lives. They need to remember how crit-
ical it is to focus on their children’s strengths and encourage
them to figure out how to use those strengths to cope with
difficult and challenging situations. This takes a little time
and effort, but moms and dads need to understand that even
when medication and professional intervention are neces-
sary, as parents they are still a critical part of their children’s
success. They cannot simply hand over the well-being of their
children to a third party, no matter how professionally trained
that person may be. In the end, it is the love and support of a
parent that children of any age crave the most.
Conclusion
If a child is diagnosed with a learning disorder, parents should
always seek a second opinion. It is important that those who
know the child best understand which symptoms are a matter
of learning style and which indicate more extreme issues.
When it comes to our children, no matter how much
the world changes, no matter how many new cultural trends
come and go, no matter what medication or therapy appears
and then disappears, there are a few key things a parent can
provide that there will never be a substitute for: time spent
with them, love shown to them, patience in dealing with
them, coping strategies taught to them, encouragement given
to them, and prayer with them and on their behalf.
In all cases, we need to urge parents to remember there
are no shortcuts when it comes to raising children. There is
no doubt children often have different ideas than we do—on
almost everything—however; not every behavioral nuance
should be labeled as a “disorder.” After all, how can you
change the world if you are just like everyone else?
✠
Cynthia Ulrich Tobias, M.Ed.,
is a best-
selling author, featured guest on radio and television, and
a popular presenter for businesses, government agencies,
churches and schools throughout the United States and
around the world. She has a successful background that
includes more than 25 years of private practice, eight years
of teaching high school, and six years in law enforcement. For more information,
visit her at CynthiaTobias.com.
No one fits into categories or boxes—and no test exists that can
accurately pinpoint exactly what a person “is.” We are fearfully and
wonderfully made, full of many puzzle pieces of various sizes.
