christian counseling today
Vol. 20 no. 2
77
I am excited to share with you the
powerful story of my friends, Randy and
Janet Tomlin. They have a lot more to say
than I do about raising a special needs
child.
On March 24, 1993, Randy and
Janet welcomed their first child into
the world, a precious little boy named
Coy. As a Major League Baseball player,
Randy envisioned his son carrying on
his dreams. Soon, they began to fear
something was gravely wrong; Coy
struggled to eat, roll over, and make eye
contact. “The doctors put him through
every test imaginable, with no answers,”
Janet shares.
Three years of waiting left Randy
and Janet feeling desperate. They
began reading about autism and started
checking off one behavior after another.
“The diagnosis was the first relief, but
also the beginning of the unknown,”
Randy says. “We had to sit there and
listen to the experts tell us every-
thing that Coy would never do. It was
gut-wrenching.”
“Major League Baseball players are
not supposed to have any weaknesses,”
Janet points out. “Here was my husband
on posters… on ESPN… and I had
given him a child who didn’t fit the
mold. I felt like a complete failure.”
A white, three-inch binder seemed
to seal Coy’s fate, with page after
page describing his grim future. The
doctors suggested institutionalized care,
predicting a low quality of life. Eighteen
years ago, very little was known about
autism—it was a mystery even to the
specialists.
In a moment they now look back
on and see as life-changing, Randy
tossed the binder into the garbage when
they walked out of the clinic. Janet still
remembers his words: “This is our son.
God gave him to us, and we are going to
raise Coy. Nobody knows the future of
our son’s life or how God will use him.”
“We felt like our lives were over,”
Janet remembers, but the Tomlins clung
to their faith and chose to believe in
God’s promise “to give [Coy] a hope
and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11). As a
young couple with two children, Randy
and Janet quickly realized their need for
support from family and friends. The
experts told them, “Coy’s best therapy
is from you—his family. You are his
biggest advocates.” Rather than tearing
apart their marriage, autism has, in fact,
brought the couple closer together.
In considering various treatments,
Randy and Janet encourage other parents
to be judicious and pursue methods that
reduce symptoms and increase the child’s
abilities and skills. “Don’t drive yourself
crazy on every diet and therapy. Your
children need to know they are more
than ‘projects’ to manage. In many ways,
the cure for your autistic child is you.”
From their own experience, the
Tomlins identify several pitfalls. “It’s easy
to get stuck feeling sorry for yourself and
your child, but you’ve got to see God’s
perspective. Coy has strengths and weak-
nesses—much like other kids. Early on,
we decided to capitalize on his strengths
and be patient with his challenges.”
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Tim Cl inton, Ed.D., LPC , LMFT
from the heart
Awesome-tistic: Parenting an Autistic Child
Photos Compliments of Janet Tomlin
