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christian counseling today
Vol. 20 no. 2
Randy and Janet have been honest
with Coy about autism, but they have
also worked hard to avoid labeling him.
“Don’t tell an autistic child who he is,”
Randy challenges parents. “Yes, Coy is
autistic, but he is so much more. Often,
I feel like we put these kids on strings
and treat them like puppets. Every
child—autistic or not—needs to be
loved, valued, and understood.”
“There are so many stereotypes,” the
Tomlins share. “Many people believe
that these kids are unapproachable
and emotionless, but this is just not
true.” Attunement is the key to healthy
relationships here—we must enter into
their world, rather than expecting them
to come into ours. “Sometimes, with
Coy, we have seven different conversa-
tions at a time… that’s just the way his
brain works,” Randy laughs. “You have
to meet your child where he is in the
moment.”
Over the years, Coy’s parents have
taken an active role in advocating for
him with teachers, coaches, and even
professionals. We tell people, “If you
take time to look into Coy’s eyes, you
will discover an amazing child with
personality, laughter, and joy.”
Autistic children often get easily
overwhelmed and need small steps,
prompts, and rewards. For Coy, it
quickly became about Skittles
®
… and
baseball. From potty training to social
skills, from swimming to baseball, a
great deal of patience is required. “Sure,
it’s frustrating sometimes, and incon-
venient, but it’s part of parenting our
son,” the Tomlins point out. “You have
to celebrate the little victories… and roll
with the punches.”
Early on, Randy and Janet admit
they really disabled Coy. With the best
of intentions, they held him back from
rambunctious play for fear he would
get hurt. Over time, though, they have
learned to trust God and let their son
“live”—even if it means broken bones
and trips to the doctor. “Only when
he is put into real-life situations can he
build the necessary coping skills and
learn how to interact with others.”
The Tomlins encourage parents not
to worry about what other people think.
“Normal is a setting on the dishwasher,”
Janet laughs. “There is no perfect child,
so don’t live in fear. Get over being
embarrassed. Go out to restaurants…
go on vacation… enjoy life.” Obviously,
wisdom and preparation are needed, but
Randy and Janet encourage families to
make memories together and not stay
cooped up at home.
While Coy cannot tie his shoes or
make a PB&J sandwich, he genuinely
loves others. “He inspires me to laugh
louder, to trust more, and to be more
passionate about life,” Randy reflects.
Rather than viewing autistic children
as “less than,” perhaps we would do
well to see them as rare gifts from God.
Through his tenderness, compassion
and joy, Coy has impacted countless
people for Christ. He has the unique
ability to see past the surface to what
really matters.
“Autism has not disabled my son
or my family,” Randy says. “In fact,
it has strengthened us—teaching us
that everyone is capable of doing
extraordinary things when given love,
encouragement and support from
family, friends and the community.”
“We want Coy to know we love him
just the way he is, and we’re so proud of
him. He is a dreamer, an overcomer, an
achiever, a champion. He is awesome-
tistic!”
✠
Tim Clinton, Ed.D.,
LPC, LMFT,
is President
of AACC, Executive Director
of the Center for Counseling
and Family Studies/Professor
of Counseling and Pastoral
Care at Liberty University, and co-founder
of Light Counseling, Inc., a clinical practice
serving children, adolescents, and adults. He
is the author of several books, including
God
Attachment
(Howard Books),
The Popular
Encyclopedia of Christian Counseling
(Harvest
House), and his most recent,
Break Through
(Worthy Publishing).
n
Vol. 20, No. 3: Neurobiology, Spirituality and Relationships
n
Vol. 20, No. 4: Small Groups and Recovery
n
Vol. 21, No. 1: Pornography and Sexual Addiction
n
Vol. 21, No. 2: Personality Disorders
upcoming
issues
CCT
