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christian counseling today
Vol. 20 no. 4
A
s I begin this column, I
want to make a confes-
sion. I am not a fan of small
groups, even though I know
how valuable they can be. Sounds con-
flicted… does it not? Well, I have my
reasons, because I have been betrayed
by a few people with whom I shared
a group. They broke the code of con-
fidentiality and I had a mess to clean
up. Now, my little negative experience
does not, and should not, diminish any
of the positive aspects of small groups.
Yet, there is a caution any time you
become vulnerable to others, and they
to you.
I am sure you have heard the story
of the three pastors who were in a
small group, confessing their sins one
to the other. They finally got around
to the last man… he was quiet for a
minute and said, “My sin is gossip…
and I can’t wait to get out of here.” We
laugh at that, but trust must be earned
and closeness guarded. Now if you are
talking about a group of people just
getting together and sharing experiences
and tales of woe, that is another thing.
However, this scenario is not attractive
to me because I am kind of an introvert
and have a difficult time sitting still for
two hours. That is just a group. Let me
tell you what is meaningful to me.
A Group with Meaning
When I think of profitable and helpful
small group experiences, I consider the
following ingredients:
n
People who are willing to be honest
with one another
n
Individuals who have something in
common (kids, divorce, addiction,
sports, spiritual growth, etc.)
n
Where members have a genuine
concern for one another (no one
demands center stage)
n
A leader who has some knowledge
of the issues that brought the group
together
n
Each person makes a commitment
of time, confidentiality, and prayer
(if prayer is essential to the group)
n
The group would have a stated goal
and desired outcome; a willingness
to measure progress
n
An “open-ended” timeline—when
the group has run its course and
examines the value of continuing
n
Where conflict and disagreements
arise, it would be essential to dissolve
the conflict before the next session
n
Even though, at times, healing and
deliverance might appear hurtful,
the intent would never be to hurt
another, but help
n
No negative talk outside the group
meeting—if something needs to be
said, it would be done in the pres-
ence of one another
Small Groups
Before Small Groups
In my early days as a pastor, and before
the concept of small groups was stylish,
I had a small group ministry without
knowing what it was. Oh, there were
things going around in those days,
like the 24-hour marathon meetings
and Yokefellow Organizations, but the
small group for most of us was the local
church Sunday school class. In those
meetings, we supplied each individual
with the ingredients that we seek today.
We had an interest in one another; we
missed a person when they were absent;
we took time to pray for each other;
we had a structured lesson that kept us
focused; we ate together at potlucks; we
visited the sick among us; we worshiped
together; we had a common goal to
strengthen the greater church family….
The Best Small Group
«
H.B . London, Jr ., D.D.
the word applied
