Christian Counseling Today Vol. 21, Iss. 2

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56 christian counseling today Vol. 21 no. 2
n The erosion of social capital.11 While life has become
more complex and one’s value is competitively judged, the
results are fewer safe people and places. This cultural atomi-
zation is even more distressing for a developing adolescent
whose journey is all the more difficult without trustworthy
guides along the way.
n Shaming as a motivator. In the classroom, at the dinner
table, or even at play, shaming has become the default
motivator in leading our young. American scholar and
research professor, Brené Brown, defines shame as “the
intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we
are flawed and, therefore, unworthy of love and belonging—
something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes
us unworthy of connection…. Shame is connected to who
you are and guilt is connected to what you do/did.”12
These four cultural markers have contributed directly to
the isolation and insecurity that today’s adolescents experi-
ence as a matter of commonplace reality, especially among
their peers. For some, when life squeezes in to exacerbate the
already wounded and fragile psyche of a contemporary adoles-
cent, then the spiraling toward more serious consequences
continues. We, as therapists, parents and pastors, must proac-
tively fight back against these trends, for they are literally
killing our kids.
Effective Prevention and Intervention Strategies
To counteract the isolation and struggle that all adolescents
feel, we must do what we can to push back against cultural
messages that hold sway over our young. (When someone is
already displaying signs of depression or suicide, these corpo-
rate responses will help, but they must also be augmented by a
trained suicide specialist, or at least an experienced counselor.)
These strategies, then, represent what we can all do to make
our homes, churches and communities places of refuge for
our young.
n Cultivate authentic presence. Just knowing that an adult
is present without an agenda provides hope. Although teen-
agers, and especially those deeply struggling, may appear
to resist a caring adult, there is not one who will ultimately
turn down someone who is a proven safe advocate.
n Train, not shame. An adolescent wants help… to make
decisions, to learn and to grow. The obstacle for many is
how he or she has experienced “training” while growing
up. The older the adolescent, the more leery he or she is
of assistance or advice, knowing that with failure comes
condemnation. Adolescents, then, must be led “with
gentleness and respect” (1 Peter 3:15).
n Instill hope. Every child is necessary; every adolescent is
talented. Help all children discover and use their gifts and
realize how God has created them as powerful agents of
His kingdom.
n Provide an empowering community. Adolescent need
to belong but, even more than that, they also need to
contribute. To be known, valued, guided, and surrounded
by fans is the antidote to our culture of performance.
In a world filled with pain and heartache, may we personify
God’s embrace for those who see no hope. May our kids know
that in Christ and God’s household they find their healer,
protector, and refuge. ✠
Chap Clark, Ph.D., is Associate Provost for
Strategic Projects and Professor and Chair of the Youth,
Family, and Culture department in the School of Theology
at Fuller Seminary. He also serves as director of the
Student Leadership Project and is the School of Theology’s
representative on the executive board of the Fuller Youth
Institute. Chap is the author of many books, including Hurt 2.0: Inside the
World of Today’s Teenagers.
Endnotes
1 Taylor, B.B. (2014). Learning to walk in the dark. New York:
HarperOne, 4, 5, 6.
2 Penner, M. (2005). Help! My kids are hurting. Grand Rapids, MI:
Zondervan/Youth Specialties, 14.
3 Taylor, B.B. Learning to walk in the dark, 7.
4 Ibid., 9f.
5 Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2015). Suicide
prevention: Youth suicide. Retrieved June 30, 2015 from: http://
www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/pub/youth_suicide.html.
6 Centers for Disease Control, “MMWR: Morbidity and mortality
weekly report,” June 13, 2014, accessed on July 2, 2015 from
7 Ibid.
8 Ibid.
9 The Jason Foundation. Accessed on July 13, 2015 at http://
10 Focus on the Family, “Why has teen suicide become such a
big problem and what can we do to stop it?” accessed on July
13, 2015 from
id/26125/~/why-has-teen-suicide-become-such-a-huge-problem-in-
recent-years-and-how-can-we.
11 For a good description of social capital, see Robert Putnam,
Bowling alone: The collapse and revival of American community,
New York: Simon & Schuster, 2000.
12 Brené Brown blog post, “Shame v. Guilt,” January 14,
2013, accessed on July 16, 2015 from http://brenebrown.
com/2013/01/14/2013114shame-v-guilt-html/.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.
— Psalm 40:2