Page 13 - EW Magazine 5-2 FINAL

extraordinary women Volume 5 I ssue 2 13

with him, so he sat down with me and said, “Heidi, if you provided a wonderful Thanksgiving feast for your family and fed them well, but Michael regurgitated what he had just eaten, would it be because you did not feed him well enough?” He helped me understand what Michael was dealing with and, since he also had a good relationship with us both, could truly assess what was going on in our lives. At the time, Michael’s solo career had started to take root, so he was traveling with some female singers and others which, under the circumstances, made me feel insecure. However, talking with our pastor really helped me process everything and allowed Michael and I to have total openness and disclo-sure from that point forward.

MICHAEL: Although the disclosure did help, it wasn’t easy. It wasn’t something I looked forward to because I could see the hurt in Heidi’s eyes when I was completely honest and open with her. Seeing the pain I caused definitely made me not want to hurt her anymore.

TIM: Michael was there a day when you put a stake in the ground—a day when you broke through and decided to move past your challenges?

MICHAEL: Yes. In 2001, I finally got it and decided to put that stake down. I had read the book, Every Man’s Battle , by Stephen Arterburn, and realized I wasn’t alone. Before

I had felt so defeated, but that book and the Bible helped me strategically put things into practice. I was in the Word a lot. Matthew 5:27-28 says, “… You shall not commit adultery. But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” The conviction of knowing that made it clear to me that there was a better way, a more godly way. By the grace of God, I was able to walk in that truth and it became the desire of my heart.

TIM: Heidi, when did you get to that place when you started feeling safe with Michael… like you were able to be vulner-able again?

HEIDI : It took some time, but I could clearly see his change of heart—even in the little things. It became evident in the way he treated me and in his attitude toward me. He just started loving me differently… it was almost like he was a different person.

TIM: There’s a gut level thing, too, where you start feeling safe because there are experiences happening between the two of you that make you go there… which then allows you to be yourself and the marriage blossoms in a new way.

HEIDI : I agree. Once Michael changed, I began to myself and started feeling safe and cherished. For the first time, I felt loved. As a result of Michael’s heart shift toward me, he