Page 37 - EW Magazine 5-2 FINAL

extraordinary women Volume 5 I ssue 2 37

I am so sorry to learn of your wife’s betrayal. As a pastor, I know you are in a public posi-tion and whatever happens will be publicly known and observed. There is added pressure in that. However, as difficult and frightening as it is, you will need to keep in mind that your first allegiance is to Christ. He has called us to live in truth and speak truth. Your wife is caught up in a sinful relationship. She has deceived herself and made wrong choices. God is pursuing her, in part through your knowl-edge of her unfaithfulness. I know you do not want to face the negative impact this will have on your family and ministry, but you are deceiving yourself if you think hidden sin is not also destructive. As

with a concealed and ignored wound, where infection and spreading are more likely, so it is with hidden sin. Do you have a faithful friend in your life with whom you could confide? I think it would be good to have some-one you trust walk through all of this with you—confronting your wife, dealing with her response, and telling church leadership. It might also be wise for you to seek out a Christian counselor who can help guide you through the process with all of its complexi-ties. I do not think you should walk through all of this alone. It is particularly unsettling to realize you cannot predict your wife’s response. Keeping in mind that she is deceived and confused means she may

react to the confrontation in a hurtful and harmful way. Whatever her response, you will have yourself, your chil-dren, your leadership and your church body to consider. All of those are, of course, secondary to the name of Christ and the honor He is due. You will want to respond to the wrong one against you (and against Him) in a godly way that invites repentance from your wife, offers forgive-ness but does not deny truth or minimize sin, and honors His scared name in the midst of betrayal. You will need support and a great deal of prayer from faithful Christians. Find a solid support base for yourself and then move forward prayerfully, with humility and a strong allegiance to the truth of

what has happened and God’s promise of redemption. ]

Diane Langberg, Ph.D., is a prac-ticing psychologist whose clinical expertise includes 37 years of working with trauma survivors and clergy. She speaks internationally on topics related to women, trauma, ministry and the Christian life. In addition, she is director of Diane Langberg & Associates, a group practice in suburban Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.