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BCSFN
Board of Reference
Dr. Ruth Haley Barton
The Transforming Center
Sabrina Black
Multicultural Division
Rev. Dwayne Bond
Wellspring Community Church
Professor Lynelle Buchanan
Baptist Bible College, PA
Dr. Mara Crabtree
Regent University
Dr. Howard Eyrich
BirminghamTheological Seminary
Dr. Penny Freeman
Philadelphia Biblical University
Dr. Bill Gaultiere
Christian Soul Care
Dr. Chuck Hannaford
Southern Baptist Theological Seminary
Dr. Joe Henriques
Moody Graduate School
Dr. Phil Henry
Palm Beach Atlantic University
Dr. Kevin Huggins
Fellowship Church
Bill Hull
Choose the Life Ministries
Dr. Eric Johnson
Southern Baptist Theological Seminary
Dr. Gary Oliver
The Center for Relationship Enrichment
Dr. Miriam Parent
Trinity Evangelical Divinity School
Dr. John Pugh
Lancaster Bible College Graduate School
Dr. Dow Pursley
Baptist Bible College Graduate School, PA
Dr. Gene Sale
Palm Beach Atlantic University
Dr. Eric Scalise
American Association of Christian Counselors
Dr. Tammy Schultz
Grace College Graduate School
Dr. Siang-Yang Tan
Fuller Theological Seminary
Dr. Bill Thrasher
Moody Graduate School
Dr. Luke Tse
Cedarville University
Dr. SamWilliams
Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary
Dr. Everett Worthington, Jr.
Virginia Commonwealth University
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TRANS FORMAT ION
hurch planting is difficult. I know this first hand (and I also know that the
previous sentence is an extreme understatement). My husband and I were
church planters for over three years. The struggle to remain relationally
invested despite the ministerial, familial, and workforce demands would of-
ten feel overwhelming. I am thankful that we had a strong support system,
and that we regularly sought ways to remain connected as a couple despite the external
demands. However, our story is not always the story of a church planter marriage. In
fact, during our time as church planters, three different couples who initiated the church
planting process within the same time-frame struggled greatly in the process, allowed the
negative experiences to impact too deeply, and they eventually quit the church plant as
well as their marriages.
To see couples go through such an experience was immensely disheartening. Not
only did the passion for pursuing a call of God on their lives fall by the wayside, so did
their passion for one another. Undoubtedly, church planting is
not
the direct cause of
church planter marital breakdown, but the stressors of church planting can be contribut-
ing factors. Unfortunately, too often, church planting literature provides guidance on
church plant growth, building strong leadership, seeking financial support, and so forth,
while neglecting to address the health of the couple’s marriage in the midst of everything.
Over 4,000 churches are planted annually (Stetzer, 2007) within the United States. We,
as Christians pursuing the Great Commission, are doing a disservice if we neglect to
encourage the first ministry of a church planting couple: the marriage.
Should the marriage of a church planter deteriorate, the ministry will be removed
from the forefront of the church planter’s focus and struggle to survive (Scazzero & Bird,
2010). Church plant growth and development will be hindered as the leader is distracted
with more personal issues. A distracted leader will struggle to promote solidarity, healthy
relational intimacy, and an environment of Christian confession and repentance, and to
focus on the goal of the Great Commission within the church plant (Scazzero & Bird,
2010). Should the relationship falter the church plant will do so as well.
So, what can be done to strengthen the church planter marriage? Scripture states that
couples are to be one in marriage (Mark 10:8). As Christians, we understand that becom-
ing one in terms of humanity’s genesis requires oneness of spirit as well as physically
and emotionally. Couples can easily strengthen their oneness in spirit through praying
together. Prayer is an intimate, heart opening, and vulnerable process by which couples
invite the work of the Holy Spirit into their lives, marriage, and ministry. Recent research
has delineated the importance of spiritual intimacy through the process of couple prayer
within church planter marriages (Clunan, 2016). The higher the frequency of couple
prayer positively predicts marital satisfaction within the church planter marriage, even
after controlling for perceptions of social and financial support (Clunan, 2016). Greater
marital satisfaction results in healthier marriages (Gottman, 2011). A healthier marriage
empowers, rather than distracts from, the process of ministry (Anderson, 2011; Thomas,
2005).
Lips-Wiersma (2000) explained that prayer may produce meaning for stressful life
events and create a sense of coherence in otherwise chaotic situations. Through prayer,
individuals develop a feeling that “his or her work is still aligned with a bigger divine
plan. This is assessed on an ongoing basis through prayer, asking ‘was this meant to
be’ and reframing difficulties and setbacks as opportunities for learning and develop-
ment” (p. 1375). Similarly, Li and Wikrama (2014) studied 372 couples and found that
although “stressful life events are associated with lower marital satisfaction, the manage-
ment of meanings of difficult situations can moderate that association” (p. 203). Prayer,
as a dyadic act, lowered perceptions of stress while increasing marital satisfaction (Olson
et al., 2015).
As Christians, counselors, and pastors supporting the church planting couple, we
must encourage couples to incorporate dyadic prayer as a part of their daily routine.
Couples should schedule time to come together in prayer. Just as Rosenau (2002) en-
couraged couples to schedule time for physical intimacy, couples must also schedule time
for spiritual intimacy. Church planters’ personal, family, and ministry demands are great.
Without scheduling time to come together in prayer, dyadic prayer will not happen. An
undisciplined lifestyle will end up with very infrequent prayer. Foster (1998) declared