christian counseling today
Vol. 20 no. 4
47
reward-motivation behaviors). Ironically,
untreated sex addicts are unable to bond and
attach in intimate relationships, so a self-perpet-
uating cycle of acting out and despair ensues.
This viewpoint provides the neurobiological
reinforcement for what leading Christian sexual
addiction expert, Dr. Mark Laaser, has long
taught about the trauma that drives most sexual
acting out. Laaser (2004) describes the wounds of
abuse and abandonment as core vulnerabilities,
and when paired with the prevalence of sexual
triggers, this gaping internal hole ignites lust.
Intimacy disordered sex addicts are usually
wounded in their early relationships and cope by
acting out in isolation. It comes to no surprise,
then, that they can best find healing within an
authentic, supportive community. The research
is clear that a group setting is the orientation
of choice for treating addictive behaviors. If sex
addicts struggle with a fundamental attachment
disorder, it is logical that a key way to address
the manifestations of those injuries is within the
crucible of a group environment.
A support group like a Twelve-Step
Fellowship or faith-based recovery group can
provide significant help and encouragement,
and it should be a required component of
evidence-based treatment for sexual addiction.
Ideally, these groups provide a safe, confiden-
tial setting for men and women to tell their
stories without judgment, shaming, or spon-
taneous advice giving. A favorite slogan from
Alcoholics Anonymous is:
“We are as sick as our
secrets.”
Profound healing happens when the sex
addict shares vulnerably and is met with both
acceptance and the gift of hearing other group
members’ stories. The wounded, fearful addict
begins to believe,
“I am not alone,”
which is the
foundation for the development of intimacy.
Group psychotherapy goes a step further by
providing the perfect arena to practice healthy
relating with the assistance of a trained clini-
cian to facilitate the process. Group therapy
can be structured in a number of ways and
have a variety of formats. Gender-specific and
coed groups both offer a powerful platform for
… sex addicts
go after the
false connection
of anonymous,
disconnected
and illicit sexual
activity as a
“safer” way of
feeling known
or accepted. In
echoes from Eden,
however, the
aftertaste of this
forbidden fruit is
despair, loneliness,
shame and a sense
of isolation from
God, one’s closest
relationships, and
even self.
“David Stoop draws from
scientific research and spiritual
understanding to show us how
to achieve change that lasts.
You can experience the power
of positive transformation.”
—
Dr. Gary Smalley
, author of
The DNA of Relationships
DR DAVID STOOP
is a licensed clinical psychologist
and the author of more than twenty books,
including
You Are What You Think
and
Forgiving
the Unforgivable
. He lives with his wife, Jan, in
California where he has his counseling practice.
Find out more at
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