Page 27 - EW Magazine 5-2 FINAL

extraordinary women Volume 5 I ssue 2 27

Instead, you need to pursue a radical relationship upgrade. You want a new marriage! Renew your lifelong commit-ment and fidelity to your spouse. Deepen your shared spiritual relation-ship. Make positive communication a daily priority—where you both and share openly about one another. View conflict as a doorway into deeper intimacy and keep short accounts with each other. Be intentional about spending enjoyable time together. Discover each other’s love language. And at the right time, restore a mutu-ally satisfying physical intimacy. Keep in mind, marriage doesn’t have an auto-pilot setting—you must choose to invest every single day in your marriage. Whatever you do, don’t go at this alone! Realize that you need other people along this journey. Get coun-seling. Ask a close friend to be your accountability partner. Join a support group or marriage small group. In other words, be intentional about connecting regularly with other like-minded couples. Staying engaged with various types of nurturing communities and making a special point of main-taining an active involvement in the local church will provide many oppor-tunities for spiritual support.

Re-claiming a healthy marriage may seem beyond your reach, but it can be rebuilt into one that thrills you both if each spouse is committed to the journey. We want to end with a promise from the book of Isaiah:

“… He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from dark-ness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righ-teousness, a planting of the Lord  for the display of his splendor. They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places

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long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations” (61:1-4). ]

Greg Smalley, Psy.D., and Erin Smalley, M.A., recently celebrated 20 years of marriage! They are the proud parents of three

daughters—Taylor, Murphy, and Annie—and a son, Garrison. Together, they have authored or co-authored 13 books and lead the marriage department at Focus on the Family. They make their home in Colorado Springs, Colorado.

1 http://www.wakulla.com/Community/ Community_Columnists/Apples_of_Gold_ (by_Doug_Apple):__Marriage_Key;_Soften_ Your_Heart_200805135246/.