16
Christian Counseling Connection
PASS IT ON
I
might have to turn in my “man card” for admit-
ting this, but I have always been amazed at pairs
ice-skating. I know, in part, it’s because I have
a wife and two daughters who are huge pairs
skating fans. Any time the competition is broadcasted
during the Winter Olympics or Nationals, they are
glued to the set. This means it is right there in front of
me as well.
However, I have also been ice skating a few times
in my life. Perhaps it comes from living in Arizona, but
my time on the ice has always been in an indoor rink
and each time resulted in my hitting the ice multiple
times… without wanting to of course! It just hap-
pens in my trying to get around the rink and back to
safety while clinging to the wall or, better yet, getting
my skates off. I have never come close to being good
enough to skate alongside my wife, Cindy, or even
think about lifting her over my head. In fact, she has
learned to stay as far away from me as possible so I
never try to grab her to keep myself from falling… she
knows we would both end up hitting the ice!
All that aside, there is in pairs ice skating, I
believe, an amazing picture of both godly leadership
AND great marriage. Here is what I mean.
A Powerful Picture for the Greatest Human
Love Story
The greatest love story that invaded humanity is, of
course, what we celebrate at Easter—Jesus’ love pour-
ing out on His beloved creation through His birth, life,
death and being raised again for us. Yet, without ques-
tion, the greatest
human
love story between a husband
and wife can be found in the “Song of Songs,” which is
Solomon’s marriage to his young Shulammite bride.
In part, we know this because the beautiful story
is called just that in Scripture. In Hebrew, the language
of the Old Testament in which the Song of Solomon
was written, there are no descriptive adjectives a writer
can use—meaning, you could not say of this couple
that they were “the most awesome, rad, the bomb, the
coolest.” Instead, if you wanted to say this couple’s
story was the absolute best, then you would use what
is referred to as the
“plural of majesty.”
Remember reading many times in Scripture how
Jesus is the “Lord of Lords” and the “King of Kings?”
By doubling an attribute in Hebrew, you essentially
take the concept, image, object, etc. to infinity. So,
Jesus is the Lord above every lord… He is the King
above all kings. When we read the Song of Solomon as
“the Song of Songs,” we are reading the greatest of all
love stories.
The Song of Solomon is considered part of the
wisdom literature in Scripture, right alongside Prov-
erbs and Psalms—and it is filled with word pictures.
Let’s concentrate on just one
—one picture that has so
much to say to the couples of our day and how we
can, and should, celebrate life if we are married.
“Draw me after you…”
“Draw me after you...”
says Solomon’s bride. It is not
King Solomon speaking in wisdom in this verse, but
his bride who looks at her husband and speaks these
words. As part of God’s wisdom literature and Word,
what she has to say is significantly instructive to any
couple today.
Can you imagine a woman in our day and age
saying to her husband, “You get out front and take
the lead” or “Honey, you take charge” or “I’m stepping
aside. You lead the way?” However, before you dismiss
what this bride says as something archaic or out of
touch, let us take a closer look at what it really means
to “draw” someone after you.
In the Book of Hosea, God shared with this
prophet how His love for His people looked. “I drew
them with cords of a man, with bonds of love,” God
tells Hosea. “And I became to them as one who lifts
the yoke; and I bent down and fed them” (11:4). So,
it is God taking the lead in loving, uplifting, taking off
burdens, and not adding problems to their lives. This
describes what is involved in “drawing”—a picture of
God humbling Himself (bending down) and providing
for her needs. THAT is the way God loves His bride,
and is what He calls Hosea to do as a husband in lov-
ing his wife.
The Lord shares again in Hosea 11 a picture of
being a guide to fresh water and green grass for His
beloved. He does this by quoting from Deuteronomy
29:5, “
I have drawn you forty years in the wilderness;
your clothes have not worn out on you, and your san-
dal has not worn out on your foot.”
Again, “to draw”
(translated “led” in some versions) involves taking
the lead in serving and providing for His people. For
decades, He drew them through the incredibly tough
times in the wilderness, meeting their needs all along
the way.
Finally, in Jeremiah 31:3, God describes His love
this way,
“I have loved you with an everlasting love;
therefore I have drawn you with lovingkindness.”
Lov-
ingkindness signifies His mercy, care, compassion, and
kindness that are
always
there for them.
What a way to lead! And what woman would not
want a husband who would focus on fulfilling her
needs and not his own? Someone who would seek to
reflect God’s love in his home, to uplift and encourage,
provide and protect, love forever, and look for ways of
showing compassion, love, and kindness each day!
So, if this was a pair’s ice skating dance, it would
be him taking the lead in love, drawing the two of
them out on the ice, setting the tone for how they
would dance…
but it is not a “solo” dance in any way.
After all, they are a “pair.”
“… and let us run together!”
This is not a husband demanding his wife to follow,
nor her knuckling under or denying who she is and
the gifts and talents she has… it is him taking the
lead in loving her like Christ loves His bride, and her
saying in a mutual, fulfilling, beautiful way to her
husband,
“Let’s move forward in life together. Let’s run
together.”
Although one skater leads during the pairs com-
petition, both are equal in aptitude and intelligence.
Similarly, in marriage, there is no inferiority of person,
intelligence, spiritual abilities or insight between the
husband and wife. (Remember, this is Solomon’s bride
sharing equal space in Scripture in giving us instruc-
tions on how to reflect God’s love! She shares wisdom
right alongside the wisest man who ever lived!)
There is no picture of inferiority or one person
controlling the other in this dance of lovers. They
are running hand-in-hand, keeping the same pace
and maintaining the same rhythm—a picture of two
people in harmony, working together to accomplish
what God wants for them and their family. They are
not running away from each other, not trying to push
or pull their spouse in a direction the other does not
want or knows the other should not go.
They are in
this together
… running together.
The image is of a godly balance between leader-
ship in love and the responding openness and mutual-
ity reflected in her asking him, “Draw me after you
and let us run together!” It pictures a record-breaking
dance of intimacy, closeness, caring and fulfillment…
both then AND today.
This is why I hope I get my “man card” back
for watching pairs ice-skating with so much fascina-
tion. Why… because it is one place you can see this
incredible picture of God’s leadership and love for His
people reflected—a picture we can use to teach others
and, most of all, a picture we can seek to live out with
our spouses.
John Trent, Ph.D.,
recently finished
a brand-new, six-session small group
DVD discussion series with Focus on
the Family on the incredible, biblical
gift of the Blessing. Be one of the first
families or groups in the country to go
through the series! Find our more at
John’s blog and Web site,
John Trent, Ph.D.
AN AMAZING
PICTURE OF
GODLY
LEADERSHIP
... AND
GREAT
MARRIAGES
