18 / 96
18
christian counseling today
Vol. 21 no. 2
M
Melissa lived a troubled life for years. Words can hardly
describe all we had been through, dating back two or more
decades. Unlike the case with so many others, she had never
threatened suicide, at least not to my knowledge, and I believe
I knew her as well, perhaps better, than anyone. So while
Melissa and distress were rarely far from one another, the
thought of her taking her own life never seemed an imminent
risk to me. Our family was aware, however, that things had
been difficult for her, particularly during the weeks just prior
to her death. We were also mindful of some new, escalating
issues and behavioral changes.
How does one describe the feelings that follow a phone
call like that with a family member? Tell me what words you
would use: Shell-shocked? Blindsided? Stunned? Numb?
Dizzy? All I know is I had never experienced anything like
this before in my life… it’s simply impossible to prepare for
a loss of this magnitude. Thus began a pain-streaked odyssey
through grief, hurt, regret, and mourning—a process from
which one never quite recovers. I have heard many people
describe the aftermath of a loved one’s suicide, or even an
attempt, as a profound aloneness. We were left now to discern
how we could make the best out of an extremely devastating
situation and how we might minister to others through this
horrible circumstance.
Suicide has become epidemic in our culture—now
somewhere between the second and third leading cause of
death among ages 15-24. Sadly, suicide, suicidal tenden-
cies, and suicide attempts continue to rise at rapidly growing
levels. Suicide is increasingly high among senior adults and
those in late-middle age. There has also been a severe spike
among young women between the ages of 25–39. Ninety-one
suicides occur in the United States per day—that translates
into one suicide about every 15 minutes. Take the entire
world into account and the metric increases to one death
every 40 seconds, including a stunningly high percentage of
people in heavily populated Asian countries like Japan, China,
and Korea. For every one person who succeeds in killing him
or herself, various reporting bureaus estimate that as many as
10–25 others have failed attempts.
1
These are alarming numbers that represent real human
lives and heartbroken families. I regularly hear from people
who are trying to deal with this issue in their own families or
church communities. Suicide often takes on a different set of
circumstances when it happens within a family that follows
Christ and, historically, the Church has not handled these
instances very well.
How Should the Church Respond?
How, then, should the Body of Christ respond when one
of its members attempts or commits suicide? I know one
mentally ill person who told me he would never admit his
struggles in church… that church is the last place he would
be transparent and honest. Unfortunately, that is the case for
many. Certainly, some congregations are better prepared than
others and respond beautifully when one of its members either
attempts or tragically commits suicide, or even dares to admit
a mental or emotional struggle.
One thing the Church must do, and do well, is encourage
its people and leaders to recognize that
everyone is broken
in
some way, shape, form or fashion. The brokenness quickly
becomes evident when there has been a suicide attempt. The
Church should be engaged with a transparency that helps
everyone know all of us have issues. Some people who have
attempted, or are contemplating, suicide truly believe the
outward appearances of others are accurately indicative of
their private lives. As a pastor for more than three decades, I
try to assure everyone that the seemingly “perfect” families are
quite less than perfect.
In the book of Ephesians, Paul wrote a letter to people
who were broken and struggling. He knew they had reason to
feel unwanted, unworthy, and unwelcome, so in the middle
of writing his letter, Paul broke off and started praying for
them. Here is what he prayed, and what we need to pray for
one another:
“[I pray] that He may grant you, according to the
riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power in the inner
man through His Spirit, and that the Messiah may dwell in your
hearts through faith. [I pray that] you, being rooted and firmly
established in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints