Christian Counseling Today Vol. 21, Iss. 2

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20 christian counseling today Vol. 21 no. 2
we can make decisions that will either enhance or detract from
our spiritual growth. However, I think mental and emotional
struggles are very real and often move beyond the realm of
simply praying or reading Scripture enough. With that said,
please know I am a strong believer in prayer, reading God’s
Word and memorization. I can recount multiple times when
God has helped me through difficult situations by those spiri-
tual disciplines. Yet, I also know there is brokenness in our
world that can be profound.
Please, encourage people not to glibly share their points
of theology with others who are experiencing a deep struggle,
as this is not an appropriate time. Resist sharing bad theology
such as, “Isn’t it true that people who commit suicide go to
hell?” The Bible does speak of a sin that is unforgivable in
Matthew 12:31, but I do not believe it has any reference to
suicide. While some faith groups, not just one, have this belief
as a part of their theology, Scripture simply does not support
this philosophy. I encourage reading passages such as Romans
8:35, 38-39. However, suicide must be recognized as a sin,
as it is a violation of the sixth commandment. It is not to be
condoned, nor is it to be seen as the best way out of a difficult
situation. My family is a constant example of the conse-
quences of what this sin does to the lives of those left behind.
Yet, I truly believe that if a person has given his or her life to
Christ, then he or she will die in Christ.
Beware of using trite platitudes. For example, don’t tell
someone to “snap out of it.” This is one of the most hurtful
things that can be said to an individual experiencing grief
or depression. When a person has reached the point of deep
despair, it is not possible for him or her to simply “snap out
of it.” It is cruel and insensitive to assume this can be done so
easily. There are numerous Scriptures that can help us when we
are depressed and discouraged. The Psalms are full of passages
that call out to God in times of trouble. Read and meditate on
Psalm 13, 35, 74, and 90. We know struggles are real and must
be very patient with people during these difficult times.
Encourage seeking out Christian psychological
assistance. While there are multiple levels of competence in
this field, seeking godly counsel from those who are trained
to understand grief and mental illness, as well as medical and
spiritual issues, is a must. Encourage families and friends who
have lost loved ones, as well as those who have attempted or
threatened suicide, to seek godly, professional counsel and
assistance.
Recommend caution in the use of medicinal treat-
ments. I often encourage people to be careful not to take too
much medication and make sure all prescriptions are issued
by physicians who truly know and understand the patient’s
health/medical history and potential drug side effects/inter-
actions. I am convinced this is one of the issues that affected
my daughter so horribly shortly before ending her life, as she
began taking a new drug that can actually exaggerate suicidal
tendencies. The key to psychotropic prescriptions is: Take them
gradually, always under supervision and use caution. It is also
important to gather a full range of professional opinions before
deciding medicinal treatment is the best way to deal with
depression or emotional difficulties, particularly in children,
teenagers, and even young adults who look to you for counsel.
Practice the ministry of presence. One of the biggest
“do’s” for anyone experiencing great loss is to understand the
ministry of presence. There are times, as believers, when we
simply do not know what to say. Oftentimes, it is best to say
nothing at all. People who are grieving need friends who will
stay with them and love them unconditionally… someone
who is simply, but tangibly, present. When I first went to
my daughter’s graveside, two of my best friends in the world
stood by my side. Although both are extremely verbal people,
neither knew what to say. The truth is, I did not need them to
say anything… I only needed them near me. Never underesti-
mate the power of presence.
Know there is hope. Understand that grief has many
stages. While grief and loss are universal, people mourn in
phases and in their own unique ways. Encourage church
members to allow this process to take place, and reiterate there
is no right or wrong way to grieve. Remind the brokenhearted
that God has a special plan for them. Psalm 38:15 says, “I will
put my hope in you, Lord.” Point people to Christ and let
them know He is going to love them and be there for them in
any situation.
I hope and pray all who read this article will seek godly
counsel in times of need. There are great resources avail-
able within the Christian counseling community to help
people through these difficult valleys, as well as many excel-
lent books and articles. One book, Melissa: A Father’s Lessons
from a Daughter’s Suicide , was written so that our daughter’s
life and death might make a difference for someone else. It
has become a great help to many and I pray others will seek
similar resources in their times of struggle. ✠
Frank S. Page, Ph.D., is President and Chief
Executive Officer of the Southern Baptist Convention
Executive Committee. In this role, he oversees the
convention work of 46,000 plus churches and more
than 16 million members. He has also served in pastoral
ministry for the past 34 years. Dr. Page earned a Ph.D. in
Christian Ethics at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary in Fort Worth,
Texas. He is the author of several books, including The Nehemiah Factor
(New Hope Publishers) and Melissa: A Father’s Lessons from a Daughter’s
Suicide (B&H Books).
Endnote
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