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christian counseling today
VOL. 22 NO. 1
b
they had not just received a “sext,” but had sent their own sexual image
through texting.
4
Not only is “sexting” a problem of on demand sexual
acting out, it is also, sadly, a new technological method of sexually abusing
or harassing people. The legal issues surrounding “sexting” are serious and
typically not considered by the underdeveloped brains of teenagers and
young adults.
Social Media and Apps
While social media is certainly being used for good purposes, this platform
has also provided pathways of connection for adultery, emotional affairs,
and casual sexual hookups. I have worked with a number of clients who,
through Facebook,
©
Twitter,
©
Instagram,
©
and Snapchat,
©
were able to
reconnect emotionally and sexually with old classmates and former love
relationships from their younger years. Apps such as Tinder
©
and Ashley
Madison
©
allow people to find someone in close proximity to hook up with
sexually, often without having to leave the building or area where they live.
Behind the Ashley Madison Curtain
Back in July and August of 2015, a security breach rocked the Internet and,
more importantly, the personal and private lives of some 32 million people.
A group known as “The Impact Team” hacked the Ashley Madison Web
site and eventually exposed the names, personal data, and credit card
information of the site’s users. Ashley Madison was known for providing a
“secure” playground for people to intentionally arrange extramarital affairs.
Suddenly, several Web sites popped up with the names and personal data
of these Ashley Madison users. It did not take long for the word to spread,
informing people everywhere that they could quite easily search for the
names of someone they knew to see if that person had ever utilized the
services of Ashley Madison. Many of our counseling offices began to
see an increase in new clients seeking immediate help. Their presenting
problem: They had been discovered to be connected to the Ashley
Madison scandal and, in some cases, while not yet having their secrets
exposed, feared the inevitable trauma of their “other life” being found out.
Dr. Ed Stetzer is an expert on culture and serves as the Billy Graham
Distinguished Endowed Chair for Church, Mission, and Evangelism and
the Executive Director of the Billy Graham
Center for Evangelism at Wheaton College.
In August of 2015, Stetzer published an article
titled, “My Pastor is on the Ashley Madison
List.” In this piece, Stetzer revealed some
shocking news based on personal conversations
with church leaders. He wrote: “Based on
my conversations with leaders from several
denominations in the U.S. and Canada, I
estimate that at least 400 church leaders (pastors,
elders, staff, deacons, etc.) will be resigning
Sunday. This is a significant moment of
embarrassment for the Church—and it should
be. To be honest, the number of pastors and
church leaders on Ashley Madison is much
lower than the number of those looking to have
an affair. Yet, there is still much that we must
consider in the midst of the embarrassment.”
5
The impact of this well-publicized sex
scandal was not just the devastation to churches
and ministries whose pastors and leaders were
involved in the Ashley Madison web. Even
more painful was the trauma and tragedy of
the people, including pastors, who committed
suicide in the midst of deep shame, guilt, fear,
and regret. This is a sobering reminder that in
a profound way, pornography, adultery, and sex
addiction are not victimless problems.
Pastors and Pornography
The Barna survey found that a staggering 57%
of pastors and 64% of youth pastors admitted
to a struggle with viewing pornography, either
in the past or currently. Out of those surveyed,
21% of youth pastors and 14% of pastors
Out of those
surveyed,
21% of youth
pastors and
14% of pastors
admitted they
are currently
personally
battling with
the use of
pornography.