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christian counseling today
VOL. 22 NO. 1
33
m
eyes will immediately look toward the moving mobile.
Do the same with an infant girl, and she will focus on the
picture of a person’s face. This propensity to be visually
oriented continues as boys mature. When puberty arrives,
teen boys are more visually stimulated by sexual images than
girls. This puts them at a much higher risk for addiction
to viewing pornography because not only are the images
visually catching, they are also physically stimulating. The
combination of visual stimulation with sexual arousal proves
a double-whammy to pubertal boys. Then, add to this the
curiosity and newness of the experiences and one can see
how terribly vulnerable boys are to becoming addicted to
pornography.
Most adult men have an understanding of how they
to respond to unwanted to dangerous stimuli. A married
man may see an attractive woman and become aroused,
but immediately refocus his eyes and thoughts in another
direction. He has learned to avoid rumination in areas
that lead to his demise. These techniques require maturity
and time, and young boys do not have the skill to handle
temptations. This is why it is critical for parents, healthcare
workers or counselors to help young boys with issues
potentially leading to addiction.
We know that teen boys and girls spend about 10 hours
per day with electronics. Many of these hours involve use
with two or more devices at a time. Imagine the struggle now
for teen boys to avoid viewing pornography when it is merely
a click or two away. The temptations for boys can be simply
overwhelming. I have personally worked with teen boys who
have become addicted to online gaming. Some of them play
games for 12-15 hours at a time. When a parent tries to take
the device away from them, they literally scream, hit, and
become violent. They have become genuinely addicted in
every sense of the word. When a boy, who is visually charged,
becomes addicted to pornography, he faces more challenges
than a boy addicted to video games. He not only feels the
pull to engage and watch, but he also feels the added pull of
sexual arousal, which causes his addiction to become far more
serious and strong.
Can We Help?
Yes! I have worked with teens who have struggled with
pregnancy, STDs, depression, and addiction of all types, and
I can say this with certainty: helping parents can navigate a
toxic sexual culture very well with teens who have engaged.
When parents talk openly about what their kids may see and
let them know they are there to help—not criticize—most
children will listen. In addition, it is important for parents to
tell their kids that pornography will come across their screens
even without them searching for it. They should tell their
kids that the feelings of shame, disgust, and embarrassment
they will experience when seeing pornography are not only
normal, but also good. These feelings are there to show kids
that viewing pornography harms them. Children who are
only made to feel guilty that they saw pornography may
guard themselves from talking to parents, which can lead
to poor communication. The most important factor is for
parents to address the issue openly and calmly. They should
communicate that their job as parents is to help their children
navigate a world of electronics that is tough and potentially
very harmful.
In my experience, it is rare when a teen does not want
help. They want to know how to avoid pornography and
combat its tempting force. Even teen boys are more than
willing to deal with issues surrounding pornography because
they know it makes them feel terrible once the initial thrill
is gone. The truth that pornography harms is real and it
resonates with the vast majority of teens. That is why I
recommend to all parents in my practice to address issues of
pornography early in life.
✠
MEG MEEKER, M.D.,
is a pediatrician, mother,
and best-selling author of six books. She is one of the
country’s leading authorities on parenting, teens and
children’s health. Dr. Meeker writes with the know-
how of a pediatrician and the big heart of a mother
because she has spent the last 30 years practicing
pediatric and adolescent medicine. Her work with countless families over
the years served as the inspiration behind her best-selling books:
Strong
Fathers, Strong Daughters; Strong Mothers, Strong Sons; The Ten
Habits of Happy Mothers
; and
Boys Should be Boys.