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christian counseling today
VOL. 22 NO. 1
A
pastor once told me he experi-
enced three different sides
to himself—a public side, a
private side, and a secret side.
His problems with addiction began in
the secret side, as attempts were made
to manage feelings and stress with
mood-altering substances or behaviors.
Recovery involves developing healthy
patterns of life that replace the addic-
tive patterns. The ultimate example of
the healthy management of pain and
trauma is Jesus at Calvary. His words,
often called “The Seven Last Words,”
offer a model of true recovery in the
midst of any trauma. Let’s take a closer
look at these seven statements.
“Father, forgive them, for they do
not know what they are doing” (Luke
23:34). These words were spoken
about Jesus’ enemies, but also of His
disciples who had deserted Him. He
was rejected, lied about, ridiculed, aban-
doned, and humiliated. Jesus had every
reason to react and become angry and
bitter, but instead He chose forgiveness.
Forgiveness detaches us from becoming
the emotional hostages of others and is
key to recovery, even if those who hurt
us knew what they were doing.
“Truly I say to you, today you shall
be with Me in Paradise” (Luke 23:43).
Jesus was literally in the middle of an
argument between two thieves, while
suffering Himself. We are often in the
middle of conflicts between others while
we are personally suffering. However,
Jesus tells the thief that his suffering
was not pointless or ignored, but would
end that day in paradise, thus chang-
ing the context of his suffering. God
was interested and with him in his pain.
We, like the thief, need to know we are
not alone in our struggles. Recovery
involves that glimpse of paradise God
may provide through an encouraging
text, phone call or a hug, giving us hope
that is critical in recovery.
“Woman, behold, your son!...
Behold, your mother!” (John 19:26, 27).
John was the only disciple documented
at Calvary with Jesus and His mother.
It is tempting to ignore the impact of
our addictions on our families. Jesus
modeled the concern for His mother by
His words to her and John. It would also
be easy to focus on the many followers
who were not there to support Him and
His mother, but they were already for-
given. He had one authentic and reliable
friend, and that was enough. Recovery is
being grateful for what we have instead
of complaining about what we do not.
«
MICHAEL R . LYLES , M .D.
shrink notes
Words of Recovery