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christian counseling today
VOL. 22 NO. 1
51
a
Leading anti-pornography feminist, Dr. Gail Dines, a professor of
sociology and women’s studies at Wheelock College in Boston, has written
a powerful and disturbing book called,
Pornland: How Porn Has Hijacked
Our Sexuality
. Dr. Dines describes how the cybersex landscape, the
primary sexuality shaper of today’s digital natives, has become decidedly
violent. The Internet accountability and filtering organization, Covenant
Eyes, sees a similar scenario and reports that 88% of sex in porn films
depicts violence.
According to an April 2016 Barna study commissioned by Josh
McDowell Ministry, teens and young adults are the largest consumers
of online pornography—almost all of it free. Thus, an entire generation
is being conditioned from an early age to believe that sexual violence,
including demeaning acts and misogynistic attitudes toward women, is
normal. Dr. Dines and others assert that this steady exposure fuels our
rape culture, where males are desensitized to think women want and enjoy
sexual violence, and females believe they must participate in painful sexual
acts in order to have or keep a partner.
Unfortunately, online pornography is only one platform snaring
women. Cyber-based sexual activity has many other avenues, especially
sexting or even live video streaming. Approximately 22% of girls ages
13-19 and 36% of women ages 20-26 have sent pornographic pictures
or videos according to the 2012 book,
The Social Costs of Pornography
(edited by Stoner and Hughes). Today’s technology enables such behavior
by providing a sexual smorgasbord unthinkable to the older generation,
including helping professionals. Christian counselors must not be naïve.
Today’s female sex addict is just as likely to be consumed with hard-core
pornography and other stereotypically male behaviors as she is to be a love,
fantasy or relationship addict. The line between men’s and women’s sexual
addiction has largely disappeared.
Treating Female Sex Addicts is Different
Like their male counterparts, female sex addicts need multi-dimensional
help that includes the basics of addiction treatment. Psychoeducation
MARN I E FERREE
about addiction is a good starting point that
assists with shame reduction. Identifying triggers
and rituals around acting out helps a woman
deconstruct her behavior and recognize where
she can implement boundaries to interrupt it.
Participating in a healthy healing community,
like a 12-step or support group, fosters
connection, as well as accountability. Developing
a spiritual center and genuine connection with
an all-loving God provides security and meaning.
Women’s treatment for pornography and
sexual addiction, however, differs in key ways
from treating men. First, the therapeutic
relationship is unusually important. Women’s
brains are typically more relationally-attuned,
and a female sex addict needs a strong
connection to her therapist. This means the pace
of therapy will be slower to establish sufficient
trust that the shame-bound client will dare to tell
her sexual secrets. Further, the therapist needs to
be especially attuned to any relational breaches
that need attention and repair. The female sex
addict is likely to test the helper to see if she will
be judged, shamed or rejected. The counselor
must recognize these difficulties as part of the
healing process and not take the challenges
or theatrics personally (or jump to diagnose
the client as having a borderline personality
disorder).
A consistent difficulty for female sex addicts
is a lack of role models for the healing process.
The vast majority of literature about sex addicts
only describes men, and the Christian-based
material is especially prone to this oversight. Like
the trend for recovery from chemical addiction,
those seeking help for sexual addiction are
predominately men, which means a woman
will likely be the only female in most 12-step
recovery meetings. Fewer women in active “S”
recovery make it extremely difficult for a female
to find a same-gender sponsor.
Women almost always benefit from initial
gender segregated treatment, which allows
them to focus without distraction. Equally
important, a gender specific environment
fosters the creation of intimate relationships
A consistent difficulty for female sex addicts is a
lack of role models for the healing process. The vast
majority of literature about sex addicts only describes
men, and the Christian-based material is especially
prone to this oversight.