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christian counseling today
VOL. 22 NO. 1
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identities can be hidden. In time, even those boundaries can
be crossed. With apps that promise the image will be lost
in just a few seconds, people can believe their actions are
temporary, forgetting about the permanence of a screen shot.
The technology of Webcams can also create a certain
false perception of safety, as a person can stay at home and
randomly and anonymously connect with others using
alternative names and identities. Web sites exist based on the
concept of speed dating where one person can quickly hook
up with visitors who are on the site. One can rapidly move
through several participants and reject those with whom he/
she is not attracted. This combines safety and power. People
can reject anyone who does not meet their expectations—
stopping for someone they like or, even more dehumanizing,
“seeing something they like.”
A third factor is curiosity. “I wonder what it would be
like to…?” is the question of curiosity. God created us to be
curious. If you show children the stars, they become curious
about astronomy. Curiosity is not the enemy. Each of us
must learn to steward our curiosity, not deny it. Addicts may
live life with little or no restraint on curiosity. All questions
demand answers, and their capacity to say no to destructive or
hurtful curiosity is lost.
Availability is the fourth contributing factor. What is
possible? The answer seems to change each day as technology
creates more opportunity. Again, technology is not the enemy.
For the addict, the challenge is about learning to live with
restraint, which may include finding the resources that limit
access, such as filters. Yet, external boundaries will never be
enough if there is not an understanding of the internal drive.
Motivating Desires for Exhibitionism and
Voyeurism
In their book,
Seven Desires
, Mark and Debbie Laaser define
seven desires that are foundational for each of us, one of
which is the desire to be heard and understood.
2
Another way
to interpret this desire is the longing to be known and seen.
Those compelled to expose themselves in images or through
Webcams can be driven by the desire to be known and seen.
Their thinking can be, “If I am seen naked and exposed, then
maybe I can be fully known.” To be seen naked for some is to
be known intimately.
Another desire the Laasers identify is the need to be
chosen. To be chosen is to validate a person’s specialness.
What we long to hear is we are so special that we are being
chosen. We are driven to answer the questions, “Am I
enough?” and “Am I worth being chosen?” Those sending
images of themselves may be looking for validation from
GREG MI LLER