Christian Counseling Today Vol. 22, Iss. 1

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56 christian counseling today VOL. 22 NO. 1
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someone else so they might be rescued from their insecurities
and loneliness. I have heard many men indicate their
motivation for sending photos of themselves is only to see
what photos they may get in return.
Therapeutic Response
As with all acting out, there is a deeper desire that must be
explored by counselors. Sexual addiction can be defined as
“the attempt to meet a legitimate need in an illegitimate way
in a repetitive cycle using sexuality.” Recovery is identifying
the legitimate need and meeting it in a legitimate way.
Helping clients explore the questions—How do I want to
be known? What am I afraid for others to know about me?
What wounds cause me to believe I am not choosable?—
encourages them to explore those deeper needs… knowing
that, ultimately, it is God who is able to meet the desires of
our hearts (Psalm 37:4).
If a person is driven by the need to be known, safe, and
connected, it makes sense, then, to encourage him/her to be
in safe recovery communities. When a person is known in a
legitimate way, the desire for exhibitionism and false intimacy
may begin to diminish. Ironically, the secrecy around the
exhibitionism actually can increase the desire for exposure.
The more secrets a person has, the more drive there can be for
overexposure in exhibitionism.
People who are motivated to expose themselves using
technology will need help exploring and understanding
the core beliefs that are driving their behavior. This work
can be done with a counselor, as well as participation in an
intensive program focusing on sexual addiction. The Laaser’s
ministry, Faithful and True, in Eden Prairie, Minnesota,
provides workshops for men who have a sexual addiction.
Accountability around the use of technology is also helpful. If
a person’s recovery community knows the tendency to misuse
technology, there can be additional support to avoid the
temptation.
One factor that needs to be acknowledged is the legal
implications of underage, nude selfies—both taken and
sent. When a minor takes a photo of him/herself naked, it is
considered the production of underage pornography. When
the photo is sent or forwarded by someone, it is deemed as
the distribution of child pornography. On a University of
North Carolina government blog, LaToya Powell writes, “As
a result, teens who engage in sexting are often charged with
violating laws that prohibit child pornography and obscenity,
which were designed to punish adult predators who sexually
victimize children.” Powell goes on to write, “It appears
that there are three categories of criminal offenses that can
possibly be used to charge minors (under the age of 18) with
sexting: obscenity, disseminating material harmful to minors,
and sexual exploitation of a minor.”3
In a recent case in North Carolina, a 17-year-old boy and
16-year-old girl were charged with several counts involving
images on their phones because they had taken and sent nude
photos of themselves. The photos were discovered because
of a search the police did in another case. It seems the courts
are more likely to get involved when photos are discovered
by an adult or family member or appear on social media…
or in the case, mentioned or discovered because of another
investigation.
One of the ironies and complexities of this case was that
the two youths were charged because they were perceived as
minors in the photos, yet they were being charged as adults.
The male was charged with five felonies—two for taking
nude photos of himself, two for sending the pictures, and one
for having a photo of his girlfriend—and faced up to 10 years
in prison. His girlfriend was charged with two counts—for
taking and sending a nude selfie—and faced four years.4
Eventually, the charges were dropped.
As mandatory reporters, we may find ourselves in a
situation where the law would indicate that we must report a
minor who has been taking nude selfies. It is imperative that
therapists understand the laws in their states and the ethical
expectations of mandatory reporting.
The challenges of navigating self-pornography are
complex. The new reality is people can create their own
pornography with today’s technology. Understanding the
motivation and deeper desires is the beginning of the stopping
process. To be known is not an intellectual experience or
the process of learning details about a person… it is to be
intimate. In I Corinthians 8:3, the reader is reminded, “But
whoever loves God is known by God.” When people are
known, safe and connected, they are fully seen, not just
exposed. ✠
GREG MILLER, M.DIV., D.MIN, with his wife,
Beth, started Thrive Resources in 2011 in Algonquin,
Illinois, working with individuals and couples who
struggle with various forms of coping and addiction
and desire spiritual guidance. For seven years, Greg
has also served as the Director of the Men of Valor
workshops with Faithful and True in Eden Prairie, Minnesota.
Endnotes
1 Laaser, M. (2011). Taking every thought captive (Kansas City:
Beacon Hill).
2 Laaser, M., & Laaser, D. (2008). The seven desires of every
heart (Grand Rapids: Zondervan). pp 17-21.
3 Powell, L. (Sept. 8, 2015). Teen “sexting” is a problem, but is it a
crime?
is-it-a-crime/.
4 Ibid.