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christian counseling today
VOL. 22 NO. 1
23
o
It is difficult for any of us to accept that traumatic experiences
can lead to anything positive or healthy. Trauma, it seems, leads
only to pain and suffering. When the secret life of a pornography
addict is exposed to a marriage partner, we clearly see the crisis
and despair it creates in the relationship. Our first counseling
session with such a couple is often full of shame, anger,
sadness, and hopelessness. It is difficult and full of pain. As we
invite couples on the journey of healing, however, we share with
them that we have great hope that there will be redemption and
transformation along the way—that this pain will not be wasted.
MARK R . LAASER AND DEBB I E LAASER
One of the truths we hold is that the pain of pornography addiction and betrayal to
a spouse can lead to great growth—post-traumatic growth. Scripture reminds us of
this, too. “Consider it pure joy… whenever you face trials of many kinds, because
you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance
finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything”
(James 1:2-4). Trauma AND transformation can coexist, we are told. Something
can be very traumatic AND lead to great growth. This we know to be true in our
own personal story, as well as the stories of many clients we have counseled over the
years. We hold this expectation for all those we see with these struggles, although
we also know there is much work to be done to arrive at this place of hope.
The Problem
With the introduction of the Internet, pornography addiction has grown to
epidemic levels around the world. It is destroying the very fabric of marriages.
Christian counselors must be equipped to guide couples through a recovery journey
that we believe has amazing opportunities for emotional and spiritual growth.
We, ourselves, have traveled this path now for 30 years, starting when Mark went
to treatment for his sexual addiction in 1987. Today, we believe our marriage has
not just survived, but it has also thrived. We have experienced growing closer to
God and each other and are stronger individuals because of our commitment to a
journey of healing.